How to Fall in Love
by Pantz
Summary: Who ever has all the answers about love?


**Disclaimer: everything from hp books belongs to jk rowling**

**How To Fall In Love**

You come to school and you meet him. On the scarlet train. In the common room. At the very first feast. He annoys you. Disgusts you. Maybe you hate him on sight. But you want to know more. Need to know more. He intrigues you.

You notice him again a day after classes start. Maybe it's a week. A month. Maybe you can't remember not noticing him. But you see him. Maybe he's in class and does an assignment perfectly first try. Maybe he's in flying lessons and you can't get your broom off the ground. Maybe he's at lunch and he winks at you. It doesn't matter. You're hooked.

He curses your hair. Your slap him. You curse him back. You tell him to go to hell. Your hair's green. Maybe blue. Pink. Purple. He laughs. His friends laugh. You cry in your dorm.

You forget him for a bit. A year passes. Maybe two. You bump into him on the train. At the feast. Possibly on your way out/in the common room. He says hi. You remember the curse. You glare. You call him a prat. You stomp off. He stares after you.

This is the beginning.

He sits by you at breakfast. His friends make jokes. He presents himself as the big man on campus. He_ is_ the big man on campus. Your friends swoon. His friends say more jokes. He winks at you again. You blush. You roll your eyes. You tell him to get the bloody hell away before stomping off yourself. He's hooked.

In class, maybe you're assigned to do a project together. Astronomy, Charms, Transfiguration. He's lazy. He's out of control. He doesn't show up on time for your scheduled meetings. You're infuriated. You yell. You curse him. You threaten to have him fail. When the projects due, his half is done to perfection. You're stunned.

A year passes. He doesn't change. He's arrogant. He's cruel. He's perfect. You hate him. Maybe you ignore for months that school year. Pretend he doesn't exist. Talk around him. Through him. He'll ask you out. Say no. Turn him down. Rip out his heart. Tell him to go to hell. He'll hurt, but he won't let you know.

Fight with him. Tell him you can't stand him. Make him feel little. Take him down a peg or two. Stand up for his enemies. Slap him in his face. Make him want to cry. He'll hurt you back.

Make it routine. A fight a day. In the common room. By the lake. In class. Anywhere. He'll call you stuck up. He'll say you're boring. He'll say you don't know how to live. You'll want to cry. Don't let him see. Hold in the tears. He wants to hurt you. He wants to belittle you. He wants to make you pay for the daily pain you cause him. Don't let him see.

Date one of his friends. The quiet, sad one. Laugh with him. Be happy with him. Make of spectacle with him. Believe yourself to be in love for the first time. Go to Hogsmeade and walk to the bookstore. Study quietly in the library. Kiss him in the darkness of the night. It'll be sweet. It'll be nice. You'll get bored.

Start asking to him to do extraordinary things. Say you want to sneak out at night and swim in the lake. Say you want to go to Hogsmeade and drink butterbeer on the roof of the Three Broomsticks. Ask him to dance with you in the rain. In the snow. Under the stars. Don't be disappointed when he doesn't. You didn't date him for excitement.

Tell yourself you love him still. Tell yourself he's perfect for you. He's quiet and controlled. He reads your books. He laughs at your jokes. He does whatever it is you want. Don't think about how he's _his_ friend. Don't wish for wildness. Don't wish for excitement. It ruins you.

Break up with him quietly. Tell him you've changed. That you want to be friends. That it just isn't working. Say you care about him. Say you love him. Tell him you just aren't _in_ love with him. He'll understand. He'll let you go. He'll move on. And wildness will catch your eye again. You won't know why.

Tell him you hate him. Make a spectacle after exams. He'll ask you out. Say no. Tell him your mind. Remain strong. Don't give in when you look into his eyes. They'll be full of pain. Of non-existent tears. Don't look. Don't witness his heartbreak. It'll suck you in.

Spend the summer thinking about him. Maybe write him a letter and watch it burn in a fire. Maybe walk Diagon Alley and fantasize about meeting him randomly in the bookstore. Eat ice cream alone and wonder what it would be like to be laughing at his jokes. Don't wonder why you think about him. Don't second guess your hatred. Not yet. It's too early.

Spot him on the train. Ignore him. Walk past him. Slightly wonder why he didn't follow you to your seat. Don't think about it for too long. He'll become your shadow eventually.

Don't wonder why he sits far away at the feast. Don't ask yourself who that girl is on his side. On his other side. Don't think to yourself that they are beautiful. Like barbies. That you can't measure up. Don't ask yourself why he's moved on.

He won't talk to you for a month. He'll ignore. He'll date around. You do not exist. It hurts. You cry. You still cannot fathom your feelings. He's arrogant. He's cruel. He's perfection.

Begin to like him and then tell yourself you don't. Tell your friends that he's as much a prat as ever. Tell his friends that you are happy he's moved on. Allow your hands to get clammy. Your heart race. Stutter if by chance you speak to him. Try not to blush. Try not to be a fool. Act slick. Act aloof. He isn't the same as last year. Realize it.

He'll walk away. You'll watch him. You'll watch his back slowly disappear with his friends by his side. You'll breathe deeply. Feel strangled. Feel lost. Wonder why all of a sudden you're world feels dark.

Start a fight with him. In the common room. By the lake. In a classroom. Make a big deal of some inconsequential thing. Tell him he is a joker. A slacker. Worthless. Tell him he's cruel and a bully and that you hate him. He'll become angry. He'll turn his back on you for the first time. Don't look into his eyes. Don't cry when he walks away. Your world is ending.

Cry up in your room for days and not know why. Go to breakfast and swish around your food. Stop wearing makeup and raising your hand in class. Stop caring. He'll notice. He'll wonder. He just won't let you know he notices. He just won't let you know that deep inside, he's worried. He'll go to your friends anonymously and ask them what's wrong. They'll shrug their shoulders and tell him they have no idea.

When he asks you, glare at him. Call him a jerk. Reaffirm your hatred. Suck in the butterflies in your stomach. Hide your clammy hands at his closeness. Be the one to stomp off this time. Make him watch you disappear.

Wait a month. See if you still like him. Watch at him quidditch and see if your heart lurches. Watch him in class and wonder how he's so talented. Watch him relax and wish you could just be with him. Just wonder. Dreams are all you have.

Be nice to him. Maybe smile at him in the common room. Ask him how he is doing. Say hello in class and wave goodbye when you walk out the door first. Perplex him with this. Make him think about _you._ Make him wonder about _you_.

See him at the first hogsmeade weekend with a girl. She'll be a friend. A girl with a crush but no one he's interested in. Be jealous. Be angry. Be irrational. Walk into the pub for a butterbeer. Drown your sorrows. Wonder about life.

Tomorrow spot the mysterious slytherin in the corner of the great hall. He's handsome. He's unique. He's exciting. Smile at him shyly as you walk past to leave. Make him want to follow you. Find out his name is John.

He'll ask you to skip class. Feel reckless. Do it. Go to his common room with him. Shiver when you walk inside. Wish for the warmth of Gryffindor. Ignore your apprehension. Walk inside. Talk to him. Open him up. Become intrigued. Think you're falling in love.

Make a spectacle of him. Kiss him in the great hall. Savagely attack each other's lips. Make out by the lake. Make out in the library. Make out in his dorm. Become reckless. Become free. Feel alive for the first time in months.

You'll feel sharp pains in your heart. Ignore them. Tell yourself you're happy. You're in love. Tell yourself you're over _him._ Say aloud in a mirror "I love John" and make yourself believe it. You will.

_He'll_ become jealous. His eyes will follow your every move. He'll watch your intertwined hands. He'll wonder about kissing you. You were once his dream girl. You become it again.

He'll warn you one day. In the common room. By the lake. In a classroom. He'll say John's bad news. That you'll get hurt. That you can't trust him. He'll say to believe him. Plead with you. Beg you. Don't listen.

Call him on his jealousy. Tell him John is amazing. Tell him you are in love. Say John will never hurt you. Call him a prat still. Tell him to mind his own business. Slap him on the face. Be angry. Be sad. Be perplexed.

Don't think about him with John. Pour your heart in the bad boy. Kiss him. Love him. Allow him to turn you away from your dreams. Allow him to make you see less of your friends. Allow yourself to believe that John is all you want.

Get hurt. Maybe John will cheat on you. Maybe you'll fight and he'll slap you. Maybe he'll just break up with you. Feel your heart break. Cry loud tears. Run to your common room. He'll be there laughing with his friends. He'll spot you walk in. He'll block your way to the stairs. He'll ask you what's wrong.

Collapse into his arms. Maybe sit by the fire or in a dark, secluded chair. Be on his lap. Lay your head on his chest. Tell him you're in idiot. Tell him you're dumb and should have listened. Say he was right. He'll quietly whisper that he didn't want to be. He'll whisper that he just wants you to be happy.

Kiss him. Pour your soul into him. Remember now, that months ago you were obsessed with him. He'll kiss you back. He'll remember chasing you and wanting you and then he'll remember loving you. He'll push you away. Walk up to his dormitory and slam the door. His friends will follow, glare at you as they walk passed. Be confused.

Sit with him at lunch tomorrow. Try to talk with him in class. He won't want to. He'll tell you he can't be your rebound. He'll say he's too good for that. That he loves you too much for _that_. Agree with him. Lie to him. Tell him you want to be friends. He'll agree.

Wait until next year. Be his friend. His _other_ best friend. Spend time with him. Get to know everything about him. Fall in love with him. Be hurt. Be scared. Cry some nights because you are the best friend. Try not to forget that he loves you too.

He'll sneak you to Hogsmeade one day. He'll tell you that you deserve to relax. He'll tell you that you work to hard. Protest. Say you have things to do. Allow him to ignore you. Take his hand. Go to hogsmeade illegally. Have a good time.

Kiss him in the rain. Forget that you're friends. Forget that you were once enemies. Just remember that you love him. And then realize, finally, that he loves you too.

End


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